She announced her abortion via fbk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
