that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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