You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
