Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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