yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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