I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
