He uses pillows to masturbate.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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