how can u be prego again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
