DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
