my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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