you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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