And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
