she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
