she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
