I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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