Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think my fart just growled at me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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