real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
