There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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