Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
