I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
