dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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