You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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