DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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