I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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