so explain again why im purple
no
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
