Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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