Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
