So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
