I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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