Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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