Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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