she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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