I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
