Nicole vs. Life
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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