I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
