If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
