omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
