I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
