it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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