while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
