My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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