there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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