Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
