She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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