It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
