i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
