I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
