sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
