I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
