woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
