college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
