About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
