I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
