Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
