Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
