Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
