what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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