first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a bad idea.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dating After Heartbreak
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong