So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.