I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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