Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
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Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza