He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
