i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
