Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
