Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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