we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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