I just cut my nipple shaving
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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