Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
