Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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