youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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