So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have aggressive nipples.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
